My biggest problem is i'm a recovering drug
addict and also am very much an outsider to
white culture.Being white doesn't help that.It
just ing cuts me to the core when that
wigger shit starts flying around.I mean i get all
homicidal and shit and it makes me want to
put a ing needle back in my arm to stop
those thoughts.I'm just so afraid that someday
that shit is gonna make me really stand up to
it.That's why I have such mixed feelings about
being around it.i'm trying to avoid the ol horror
show as much as the next guy.But that shit
makes me want to hop on a plane and get
real horror show.hate seems to only stop
when the source of the hate is removed like a
cancer.My life,family,and art are too important
to me to let myself become a self designated
avenger.Yet each time this ass rears it's ugly
head i get closer to priceline/expedia.The one
thing that scares me the most is that I know
that i'm only one bullet from freedom and then
I can go on w/ my lifew/o the bullshit wannabe
closet nazi hatred that constantly goes on in
the back of my mind.Fucking bunch of
bollocks the whole thing is.There seems to
be this character that likes to antagonize as if
distance is a sfety factor when they have no
idea what kind of shit i'm capable of.Not to
mention that this ass made a direct threat and
turned something that was very special
against me and I still haven't recovered.No
matter how big a joke I seem to be to unsaid
party.The clock keeps ticking.I just have to find
a way to diffuse a situation that i know is one
day coming to pass.Even if one half of the
equation thinks that it's all BS they crossed a
line and to make things worse keep throwing
the dirt in my face.More and more i find it
harder to convince myself it's just not worth
it.it's kind of like the dumb kid that keeps
throwing stones at a fenced up pitbull and
then when it is chewed up and spit out the
whole community wonders why such
dangerous dogs should have access to our
children.That's the best way to put it.I'm ready
for it to stop one way or another.Yet it seems
that it keeps looking to see how real the
danger is.i feel that certain asses shouldn't be
allowed to go near a machine if they keep
pushing the wrong buttons.It's ing with my
art,my heart,and my mind.Worse thing is I
think that's what it wants is to bring about a
finale to the situation.Man this sucks and I
need some sort of closure.I'm going to take a
break and see if I can come back w/o the
same ol song and dance.It's just eating me
alive and I can't figure a way out except right
through it.
H- why did this happen to me?