Message 10/77
Date: 11-Oct-02 @ 09:17 PM Edit: 11-Oct-02 | 09:17 PM -
RE: Beans on fucking toast, mate.
beans on toast really hits the spot sometimes eh!... and it's quite healthy emergency food if you drain off the sugar infested juice.... and (sadly) it reminds me of a joke
there's this businessman and he is addicted to beans on toast ever since he was a boy, he loves it and despite the fact it gives him bad wind he can't stop eating them he loves beans on toast soooo much!....
He's out on the road one evening and stops to call his wife to tell her he'll be back at 8 o'clock and she says:
"remember it's your birthday, and i've got a surprise so you'd better not be late!"
he get's off the phone in the cafe and happens to see the menu... DOUBLE BEANS ON TOAST
he can't resist no matter how hard he fights it and knowing it might make him late getting home, he orders and wolfs down the double beans on toast and goes back to his car and sets off for home...
halfway home he starts to get REALLY terrible gut ache from the beans and starts farting really heavey wet farts, opening the car window etc, it's real bad wind!!...
he arrives home, lets off a few REALLY long wet heavey farts outside the door, gasps in relief, and walks in... His wife runs to meet him at the door, blocking his way, and says:
"Ok birthday boy, put on this blindfold for your surprise!"
So he puts it on, and he feels her lead him into the dining room and sit him down at the table...
Then she says:
"ok... I'm going to quickly put on some lippy & tidy up, you wait here and DONT LOOK!!!... You'd better NOT!!... or you'll spoil your surprise"
he hears her go out and sighs in relief cos another serious fart is busting painfully to get out and as soon as he hears her leave the room & the door closes he lets rip a massive looooong flapping wet one, REALLY fucking smelly too!...
He takes a sniff and it is REVOLTING!!!!... so he's wafting the air & gagging & coughing, and then he feels another one coming in a surge of pain and lets rip another really raucus wet one!!!... and again it reeks, & he wafts it like fuck to try to disperse the foul aroma before his wife returns....
After a few minutes he hears the wife returning downstairs and issues a few last frantic 'wafts' with his handkerchief, and sits straight as she enters the room...
She walks up behind him and says "You didn't look did you?" - "No no, no way!... i didnt look", he replies....
"Ok then" she says.... "surprise!!!!" - and pulls off the blindfold...
and there's 10 people sitting round the table for dinner.
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I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws.... I call it... Big Jaws!!!