The queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the
floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.
"Oh my god!", said the Queen, "That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???"
The doctor leading the tour explains, "I'm sorry your ladyship, this man has a very serious
condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that five times a day, they
would explode and he would most likely die instantly."
"Oh, I am sorry" said the Queen.
On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a blow job.
"Oh my God", said the Queen, "What's happening in there?"
The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If
I'm
going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to
make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the
doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it,
and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup
was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, I tried
with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right
hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right
hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?!
Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.