Original
Message 1/3
Date: 07-Aug-07 @ 07:59 AM Edit: 07-Aug-07 | 08:02 AM -
threat levels raised in europe
Our London correspondent reports that, in light of recent terrorist threats, the British authorities have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". It would appear that security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross".
Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. In the meantime terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning was during the great fire of 1666.
In France the French authorities also announced that it had raised its terror level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's only white flag factory, effectively paralysing
the country's military capability.
It's not only the French and English that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".
Elsewhere in Europe Germany has increased its alert from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress In Uniform And Sing Marching Songs". They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose"
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual and the only threat they have to worry about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are in a high state of excitement following the deployment of their new submarine fleet. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a good view of the old Spanish navy.
Washington has announced that there will be no change to the strategy that has served the country so well over the last 100 years. A spokesperson confirmed that the guiding principles remained as "Sit on the fence until you know who is winning" followed by "Bomb the shit out
of everything then find out whose side they were on".