0  |  skin: 1 2 3  | Login | Join  | 

Audioindy.com

Mail discussion to a friend Search forums House rules Live chat Login to access your admin About 7161 forums Forum home New Topic

Forums   -   The lounge

Subject: joke corner


Viewing all 17 messages  -  View by pages of 10:  1 2


Original Message 1/17                 Date: 26-Nov-06  @  02:21 PM     Edit: 26-Nov-06  |  02:23 PM   -   joke corner

sitar

Posts: 3872

Link?: Link

File?:  No file



A doctor at a hospital comes back to a patient that a showed up not feeling well and says,

"I have bad news for you. You are showing symptoms of avian flu, you're suffering from severe chronic diarrhea, and in an intitial test you've come up positive for hiv. But don't worry. We are going to take good care of you. You are going to get a private room and we'll put you immediately on a diet of flounder and pancakes."

Patient: Is that a diet that's proven to be beneficial?

Doctor: No, those are the only foods we can slip under the door.



In the 1980s, what was the toughest thing to do after finding out you had aids?

Convincing your parents you were Haitian.



[ back to forum ]               [quote]

Message 2/17                 Date: 26-Nov-06  @  08:34 PM   -   RE: joke corner

Musineer Productions

Posts: 332

Link?: Link

File?:  No file



Nope, tried the missus and she doesn't get the second one either....



[ back to forum ]               [quote]

Message 3/17                 Date: 27-Nov-06  @  10:51 AM   -   RE: joke corner

k

Posts: 12353

Link?:  Link

File?:  No file



definately Sitar jokes,

i've heard no new jokes sadly

___________________________________

I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws.... I call it... Big Jaws!!!



[ back to forum ]               [quote]

Message 4/17                 Date: 27-Nov-06  @  02:41 PM   -   RE: joke corner

S1GNALRUNNERS - BLU

Posts: 1011

Link?: Link

File?:  No file



A plane is on its way to Melbourne when a blonde in economy
Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits
down.

The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her
ticket. She then tells the blonde passenger that she paid for Economy
And that she will have to go and sit in the back.

The blonde replies, 'I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to
Melbourne and I'm staying right here!'

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot
And co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First
Class that belongs in Economy and won't move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that

Because she only paid for Economy she is only entitled to an
Economy place and she will have to leave and return to her
original seat

The blonde replies, Im blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to
Melbourne and I'm staying right here!'

Exasperated the co-pilot tells the pilot that it was no use
And that he probably should have the police waiting when they
land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason.

The pilot says, 'You say she's blonde?'

'I'll handle this, I'm married to a blonde, and I speak
blonde!'

He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says,
"Oh I'm sorry - I had no idea," gets up and moves back to her
Seat in the economy section.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him
What he said to make her move without any fuss. The pilot
replied,

"I told her First Class isn't going to Melbourne."



[ back to forum ]               [quote]

Message 5/17                 Date: 27-Nov-06  @  06:17 PM   -   RE: joke corner

k

Posts: 12353

Link?:  Link

File?:  No file



___________________________________

I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws.... I call it... Big Jaws!!!



[ back to forum ]               [quote]

Message 6/17                 Date: 28-Nov-06  @  01:24 AM   -   RE: joke corner

Musineer Productions

Posts: 332

Link?: Link

File?:  No file



still don't get that 2nd one



[ back to forum ]               [quote]

Message 7/17                 Date: 28-Nov-06  @  08:01 PM   -   RE: joke corner

sitar

Posts: 3872

Link?: Link

File?:  No file



Those jokes were told to me by an expert on communicable diseases and pandemics in NYC. I think the 2nd one refers to the time when it seemed that outside of gays, Haitians were hit hardest by the epidemic. the joke alludes to the idea that if you tested positive and you didn't want your parents to know you were gay, you had to convince them that you were Haitian.



[ back to forum ]               [quote]

Message 8/17                 Date: 04-Dec-06  @  06:34 AM   -   RE: joke corner

psylichon

Posts: 4573

Link?: Link

File?:  No file



A man goes to a bar, has a good time, and ends up hooking up with these hot siamese twins. They go back to the twins' place and he starts doing real well with one of them, and she invites him back to the bedroom. He expresses concern for her attached sister, to which she replies, "oh don't worry, she'll just play the flute, it's cool..." So they went. And indeed the other sister occupied herself by playing a lovely melody on the flute.

A bit later, after some post-coital wine, the fellow starts hitting it off with the other sister. After a bit of chat, she invites him back to the bedroom as well. After similar concern for the other sister on his part, she assures him, "it's fine... she'll just play the oboe." So they did... and she did. Everything was lovely.

Months later the siamese twins walk into a restaurant and see the man. One sister says to the other, "Oh, there's that man we spent that lovely evening with back in march, remember?"... to which the other replied, "Oh yes, that was fun. We should say something...you think he remembers us?"



[ back to forum ]               [quote]

Message 9/17                 Date: 16-Dec-06  @  10:38 AM   -   RE: joke corner

Jock Munro

Posts: 840

Link?: Link

File?:  No file



arf arf arf, like the last one.



[ back to forum ]               [quote]

Message 10/17                 Date: 20-Dec-06  @  06:33 AM   -   RE: joke corner

psylichon

Posts: 4573

Link?: Link

File?:  No file



Fresh from a session tonight.... made me think of you, jock:

So this dude's layin' it in on this girl and he says, "I'm gonna turn you over and fuck you in the ass"

... To which she replies, "Aren't you being a bit presumptuous?"

... To which he replies, "Isn't 'presumptuous' an awfully big word for an 8-year-old?"



[ back to forum ]               [quote]

Message 11/17                 Date: 20-Dec-06  @  12:51 PM     Edit: 20-Dec-06  |  12:52 PM   -   RE: joke corner

sitar

Posts: 3872

Link?: Link

File?:  No file



omg!



[ back to forum ]               [quote]

Message 12/17                 Date: 21-Dec-06  @  06:27 PM   -   RE: joke corner

sitar

Posts: 3872

Link?: Link

File?:  No file



A marine biologist years ago discovered a new diet and metabolic regimen that would keep his dolphins alive forever.


Part of the treament required him to bring the meat of a particular breed of baby seagull, found only near the lake on the far side of a forest.


While transporting the seagulls through the forest on the way back to the airport, he came across a pack of lions blocking the road.


They were all sleeping, so he had to very carefully tiptoe around them to not wake them up


He managed to do that safely, except that he was met by a policeman on the other side and immediately arrested.


When asking the cop the reason for his arrest, the officer said:


"Attempting to take young gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises."



[ back to forum ]               [quote]

Message 13/17                 Date: 21-Dec-06  @  06:40 PM   -   RE: joke corner

milan

Posts: 5701

Link?: Link

File?:  No file



...and the king of bad puns is back! you must be a doctor of the field by now



[ back to forum ]               [quote]

Message 14/17                 Date: 21-Dec-06  @  06:49 PM   -   RE: joke corner

sitar

Posts: 3872

Link?: Link

File?:  No file



ha! unfortunately I didn't think that one up.

/sigh



[ back to forum ]               [quote]

Message 15/17                 Date: 21-Dec-06  @  07:36 PM   -   RE: joke corner

sitar

Posts: 3872

Link?: Link

File?:  No file



An orchestra is playing Beethoven's 9th Symphony. There is a period for about 20 minutes where the bass section has nothing to play, so they all decide to slip out and go have a few drinks.

One of them says "Hey, we'd better get going."
"Not to worry," says another. "I tied some of the pages to the conductor's music together. We'll have a few more minutes before we have to leave." So they continue drinking.

Finally, they stumble back on stage.

It was the bottom of the ninth, the score was tied, and the bassists were loaded.



[ back to forum ]               [quote]

Message 16/17                 Date: 22-Dec-06  @  12:42 AM   -   RE: joke corner

Musineer Productions

Posts: 332

Link?: Link

File?:  No file



Must be some sort of rounders reference...



[ back to forum ]               [quote]

Message 17/17                 Date: 22-Dec-06  @  06:48 PM   -   RE: joke corner

sitar

Posts: 3872

Link?: Link

File?:  No file



baseball



[ back to forum ]               [quote]

Viewing all 17 messages  -  View by pages of 10:  1 2

There are 17 total messages for this topic





Reply to Thread

You need to register/login to use the forum.

Click here  to Signup or Login !

[you'll be brought right back to this point after signing up]



Back to Forum