Original Message 1/13                 Date: 07-Jan-03  @  12:34 AM     Edit: 07-Jan-03  |  12:35 AM   -   the office

bedwyr

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ok, this is from a british comedy series called the office, filmed like a documentary, the boss (and star of the show) is a total wanker called david brent, here are some jems of office wisdom from him -

Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough.

Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.

Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.

Never do today that which will become someone else’s responsibility tomorrow.

Every time you open your mouth you have this wonderful ability to continually confirm what I think.

Show me a good loser and I'll show you a LOSER!

Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.

It's the team that matters. Where would The Beatles be without Ringo? If John got Yoko to play drums the history of music would be completely different.


What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.

When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.

If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.

If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.

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Message 2/13                 Date: 07-Jan-03  @  12:36 AM   -   RE: the office

bedwyr

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You don't have to be mad to work here! In fact we ask you to complete a medical questionnaire to ensure that you are not.

If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.

If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.

You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.

If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.

Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.

There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug colleague', either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. Go figure.

Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.

Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly keep under your desk.

Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.

If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.

Remember the 3 golden rules: 1. It was like that when I got here. 2. I didn't do it. 3. (To your Boss) I like your style.

The office is like an army, and I'm the field general. You're my footsoldiers and customer quality is the WAR!!!

Set out to leave the first vapour trail in the blue-sky scenario.

Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning on than illumination.

A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone else’s?

Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready to fly?....

You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on time, well presented, a team player, customer service focused and sober!!

I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work.

Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.

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Message 3/13                 Date: 07-Jan-03  @  09:28 AM   -   RE: the office

Dominic

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I like "to see a rainbow, you have to put up with the rain".

The office is very, very clever. "FACT".

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Message 4/13                 Date: 07-Jan-03  @  12:01 PM   -   RE: the office

Si

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Watched it last night again, funniest show on TV at the moment

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Message 5/13                 Date: 07-Jan-03  @  01:00 PM   -   RE: the office

k

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yeah and the tragic thing is - it's so realistic. That IS how the majority of british boss's really are.. complete & utter wankers.

___________________________________

I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws.... I call it... Big Jaws!!!

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Message 6/13                 Date: 07-Jan-03  @  03:48 PM   -   RE: the office

Dominic

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Yea, British Comedy is at a really interesting point at the moment. The Office and Phoenix Nights have raised the bar.

I'm sorry but the new series of Shooting Stars compared to The Office and Phoenix Nights is rubbish. Their comedy sounds out of date and really painful. The same goes for the last series of Alan Partridge.

I enjoy Avid Meron of Bo! Selecta though.

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Message 7/13                 Date: 07-Jan-03  @  05:59 PM   -   RE: the office

psylichon

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Never seen 'The Office' but I have seen 'Office Space' and THAT has to be the best movie about working EVER. Period! LOL just thinking about it...

psy

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Message 8/13                 Date: 07-Jan-03  @  08:03 PM   -   RE: the office

errata

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"excuse me, i believe you have my stapler"

hey, you english bastards have WAY better TV than we do! I can't stand what passes for comedy on TV in the US. Can I come over to your house and watch TV?!

Oh, wait... if it gets popular enough there, our PBS will pick it up and I can watch it at 1 Am on Sundays!

e

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Message 9/13                 Date: 07-Jan-03  @  08:09 PM   -   RE: the office

steef

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supposedly an American network has bought the rights with a view to doing their own version. Can't really see it working though.

"I don't like jelly, I don't trust the way it moves"

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Message 10/13                 Date: 07-Jan-03  @  10:42 PM   -   RE: the office

espoo2

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We've got Joe Millionaire.
Ugh.

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Message 11/13                 Date: 08-Jan-03  @  07:10 AM   -   RE: the office

errata

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Yeah, see? If an American producer remakes it they'll bastardize it and smack it around like a red headed step child!

I remember a few years back someone talked about producing an "Absolutely Fabulous" for the US with Roseanne Barr in it! Would have absolutely trashed it!!! Glad it never happened!

I'll take my 1 am viewings of BBC comedy's on PBS over some BAD licensed americanized crap any day!

e

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Message 12/13                 Date: 08-Jan-03  @  08:57 AM   -   RE: the office

dARKSTATe

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Its a culture thing.. I just don't think enough of our american cousins would get The Office for a US TV Network to take the risk in taking it over..

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Message 13/13                 Date: 09-Jan-03  @  02:01 PM   -   RE: the office

Dominic

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"Fans of the Slough based paper merchant David Brent, sacked before Christmas, will NOT return for a third series of The Office. Ricky Gervais, voted the most influential figure in British comedy, says that he will only continue with one-off specials of the award winning series" - The Times, thursday 9 2003.

I'm glad. Its better to keep it like Faulty Towers and only do 12 episodes. We'll still be watching the videos in 10 years.

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