Original
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Date: 07-Oct-02 @ 10:29 PM -
How's your CV ???
a mate got this letter from a freind... it was sent in to a job application their company was running...
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice with my bare hands. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch hours, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I write award winning operas. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I can cook minute rice in 30 seconds. I am an expert in wood panel installation and an outlaw in Peru.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless loan shark. Critics world-wide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and won the concert tickets. Last summer I toured Delaware with a roving troupe of mimes. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. People trust me.
I was scouted by the Mets. I am a subject of several documentaries. I enjoy urban hang gliding, naked mountain climbing, and running marathons backwards. I paint, juggle, and routinely compete in professional wrestling matches. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I once read War and Peace, Moby Dick and Great Expectations all in once day. I sleep once a week; when I do, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Africa, I successfully negotiated a peace between warring tribes. I have won bullfights in Spain, cliff diving competitions in Sri Lanka and spelling bees at the Kremllin. I know where Jimmy Hoffa is and have spoken to Elvis.
But I have not yet worked for your company.
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I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws.... I call it... Big Jaws!!!