Original Message 1/34                 Date: 22-Aug-03  @  10:44 PM     Edit: 22-Aug-03  |  10:45 PM   -   in the bar again

§ï†ÅR

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then there was the time I staggered into yon bar with a steering wheel stuffed in me pants. "Ya know ya gots a steering wheel stuffed in yer pants, there matey?" The barmaid asks of me.

Arrrrr, it's driving me nuts, is my reply.

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Message 2/34                 Date: 23-Aug-03  @  12:10 AM   -   RE: in the bar again

R.A.T.

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Groan..... (but funny none the less)

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Message 3/34                 Date: 24-Aug-03  @  01:40 AM   -   RE: in the bar again

GT

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I'd stick to voice male (sic)

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Message 4/34                 Date: 24-Aug-03  @  01:39 PM   -   RE: in the bar again

k

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lol   (but groaning too!)

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Message 5/34                 Date: 26-Aug-03  @  10:32 AM   -   RE: in the bar again

spot

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jeezuz, atleast we know who stole Bob monkhouse's joke book

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Message 6/34                 Date: 26-Aug-03  @  11:47 AM   -   RE: in the bar again

dARKSTATe

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..so there's this budist right? And he goes up to this hotdog vendor and says "Make me one with everything!"

(BOOM BOOM!)

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Message 7/34                 Date: 27-Aug-03  @  09:05 AM   -   RE: in the bar again

spot

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(slump)..........(bleed)

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Message 8/34                 Date: 27-Aug-03  @  09:37 AM   -   RE: in the bar again

dARKSTATe

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Fuck off! And your Perrier award winning crass joke is?

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Message 9/34                 Date: 27-Aug-03  @  10:24 AM   -   RE: in the bar again

k

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one of my fav's

Q. whats pink & hard?

A. a pig with a flick-knife

er.... ok.... *shuffle*

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Message 10/34                 Date: 27-Aug-03  @  12:10 PM   -   RE: in the bar again

spot

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heh heh heh, see now that was funny, darkshites was...err....shite

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Message 11/34                 Date: 27-Aug-03  @  12:11 PM     Edit: 27-Aug-03  |  12:14 PM   -   RE: in the bar again

§ï†ÅR

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dARKSTATe wrote: "..so there's this budist right? And he goes up to this hotdog vendor and says "Make me one with everything!"

The vendor makes him a hotdog with everything on it and gives it to the buddhist. The buddhist hands the vendor $10. After a few moments the buddhist asks "Where's my change?". The vendor replies "Change must come from within."

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Message 12/34                 Date: 27-Aug-03  @  12:17 PM   -   RE: in the bar again

spot

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deary me

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Message 13/34                 Date: 27-Aug-03  @  01:44 PM     Edit: 27-Aug-03  |  01:47 PM   -   RE: in the bar again

dARKSTATe

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feck off ya cunt, we're still waiting for your big joke ya tosswank! And make it FUNNY yeah? (Good site by the way!) ;)

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Message 14/34                 Date: 27-Aug-03  @  03:31 PM   -   RE: in the bar again

spot

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joke..umm...errr.....one sec...Fuckit..err...right, got one!

this 63 year old women has just had a major facelift and she decides to go out and see if anyone notices by asking them to guess her age, she walks up to some bloke and says "hold old do you think i am" the bloke says "35"...."thank you" replied the woman, i am actually 63!

along her travels she decides to nip into McDonalds, whilst in there she asks the person behind the counter "how old do you think i am", she replies "hmm, 35" the lady replies "thank you, i'm actually 63"......

off she walks back to the bus stop and once there she sees a man standing waiting for the bus, so she decides to ask him the same thing, "excuse me, how old do you think i am", he says "hmm, i could tell you if i can put my hands down your trousers and feel your minge"......she looks around and theres no one about so she decides it and lets him proceed....so the man fumbles around for a while then says to the lady "your 63"....the woman is amazed and said "how the hell did you know?"....he said...."i was standing behind you in McDonalds


dah daaaah.

slump

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Message 15/34                 Date: 27-Aug-03  @  03:32 PM   -   RE: in the bar again

dARKSTATe

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lol.. Its old.. but a classic!

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Message 16/34                 Date: 27-Aug-03  @  04:17 PM   -   RE: in the bar again

milan

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my god that suxs!

but lol at Sitar!  

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Message 17/34                 Date: 27-Aug-03  @  07:40 PM   -   RE: in the bar again

dan-s

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how old do you think that joke is?

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Message 18/34                 Date: 27-Aug-03  @  07:50 PM   -   RE: in the bar again

Influx

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guys dog gets hit by a car, he's mortified!

takes it to the vet hopin it can be saved.

vet says "sorry, it's dead"

"BUT NO! I love that dog!"

"well, we can try a few things just to make sure"

"PLEASE!"

so...guys in the room with his dog, and in walks a Black Lab...walks around the table the dog is on sniffin and snufflin, then walks out.

in walks a feline variety...climbs all over the dog, purring and meowwing and all that. walks out

doc comes back in and says "well, your dog is definitely dead"

"ok, well, I guess theres not much to be done then. How much do I owe you?"

"$750"

"$750?!?! FOR WHAT?"

"well," says the vet "$50 is for the office visit, and $300 each for the Lab Tests and Cat Scan"

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Message 19/34                 Date: 27-Aug-03  @  07:51 PM   -   RE: in the bar again

k

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older that the lady in the joke I'd say!  

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Message 20/34                 Date: 27-Aug-03  @  10:01 PM   -   RE: in the bar again

Spot

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ungreatful Cunts!

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Message 21/34                 Date: 27-Aug-03  @  11:01 PM   -   RE: in the bar again

milan

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bwahaha

man its been ages since i heard a GOOD joke!

any around?

*cough*

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Message 22/34                 Date: 28-Aug-03  @  04:26 AM   -   RE: in the bar again

Influx

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sorry. I know thats old as feck...but I thought it was funny

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Message 23/34                 Date: 28-Aug-03  @  11:49 AM   -   RE: in the bar again

k

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In the old days you'd hear a couple of cracking new jokes every week... Even jokes are dying out in Bush's brave new world.

ah wait... here's one from me mate's kid:

Saddam Hussain & His son are walking down the road after visiting the chip-shop. Saddam says: "Son!... You're dropping your chips everywhere!" - His son replies: "That's cos there's no bag dad"

lol!... er... it was funny when his 10 year old son told it anyways... prolly the way he tells 'em.

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Message 24/34                 Date: 28-Aug-03  @  12:18 PM   -   RE: in the bar again

spot

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heh heh heh, the little runt

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Message 25/34                 Date: 28-Aug-03  @  12:34 PM   -   RE: in the bar again

§ï†ÅR

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"heh heh heh, the little runt"

LMAO! That's actually funny K.

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Message 26/34                 Date: 28-Aug-03  @  04:00 PM   -   RE: in the bar again

Jock

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Q. whats blue and f*cks old people ?

A. Hyperthermia.

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Message 27/34                 Date: 29-Aug-03  @  09:07 AM   -   RE: in the bar again

spot

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whats brown and silver and s old grannies....a baseball bat with a nail in

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Message 28/34                 Date: 29-Aug-03  @  12:26 PM   -   RE: in the bar again

k

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ok, there's 2 old dears in an old folks home, and the few that still smoke have to smoke outside.

So 2 old dears are having a fag out on the patio, and it's raining... One says:

"Dammit!... My cigarette is getting wet!"

The other says:

"Not mine, cos i've put this condom over it... Keeps it dry while I smoke!"

So the other old dear goes down to the chemist on their next 'visit to town' in the minibus, and says to the chemist guy:

"I want a condom please!"

The guy looks surprised at such an old wrinkly wanting a condom, so he says for a joke:

"Um... certainly madam.. What size?"

"I dunno about these things", says the old dear, "But it has to fit a Camel!"

drrrr-tish!

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Message 29/34                 Date: 29-Aug-03  @  12:36 PM   -   RE: in the bar again

§ï†ÅR

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LOL!

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Message 30/34                 Date: 29-Aug-03  @  12:48 PM   -   RE: in the bar again

k

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Old dear joke 2

A family is placing dear old gran into a home, so they go down to visit after she's been in for a month, and they are all sitting in the visitor room with the Manager and their mum chatting about how she's doing and whatever...

All of a sudden, the gran starts to lean over to one side in her chair like she's dozing off... Quickly, one of the assistants walks over and props her back up-right again...they continue their conversation with the manager

Aagain, the old dear starts to gradualy lean over in her chair sideways as if she's falling asleep over the arm, and again an assistant props her back upright again

The conversation continues and the gran starts to lean over sideways several times as the conversation continues, and each time, as she's starting to lean over sideways onto the arm of the chair, an assistant hops over and keeps on propping her back upright again...

Eventualy the chat finishes and they are about to leave..

"Everything ok then Granny?... The manager says you're doing really well!"

Granny replies...

"Oh... it's ok I s'pose, but every time you go to fart they keep propping you back upright again!"

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Message 31/34                 Date: 29-Aug-03  @  01:00 PM   -   RE: in the bar again

spot

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Blooaargh, Granny farts!

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Message 32/34                 Date: 29-Aug-03  @  02:00 PM   -   RE: in the bar again

'H' from Steps

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4 irish mates have there own company called 'Murphy, murphy, murphy and murphy'

cos there all called murphy!

anyway the phone goes and murphy answers it. "hello, can i speak to murphy please?"

"sorry, he's out"

...."ok, can i speak to murphy then?"

"sorry, he's at a meeting"

...."ok, any chance i can speak to murphy instead?"

"nope, sorry, he's not in today"

...."oh right, can i speak to murphy then?"

"yep, speaking"

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Message 33/34                 Date: 29-Aug-03  @  03:34 PM   -   RE: in the bar again

spot

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that made me chuckle, probably because it was stupid, but i liked it anyway

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Message 34/34                 Date: 01-Sep-03  @  01:21 PM   -   RE: in the bar again

Jock

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my missus is on blob. got a flange like jack the rippers hanky.

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