Original Message                 Date: 04-Jun-07  @  06:37 PM     Edit: 04-Jun-07  |  06:53 PM   -   joketime

sitar

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God, as we all know, created Adam. A good amount of time passed before God decided Adam needed a companion and, as we all know, God created Eve.

One day, before Adam knew anything about Eve God told Adam, "I have a present for you"

Adam: What's a present?

God: Something nice that somebody gives you for no reason other than to be nice to you.

Adam: Ok so where is this present?

God: You have to climb up the mountain.

Adam: What's a mountain?

God: It's what you call the land you walk on when it goes uphill very steeply and becomes very high, touching the clouds.

Adam: What are clouds?

God: Those puffy white things you see floating in the sky. Your present is in a cave in the mountain.

Adam: What is a cave?

God: It's a hole in the earth that you can walk into. Enough questions. Go see what your present is and don't worry. If you're not back for a couple of days, I'll understand.


Adam takes off toward the mountain but God is surprised to see Adam back in only 2 hours, looking puzzled.

God: Did you see your present?

Adam: Yes

God: What's the matter? You look puzzled.

Adam: What is a headache?

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Message 11/19                 Date: 07-Jun-07  @  05:24 PM   -   RE: joketime

k

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it's fucking rubbish... it looks like some logo from a privatised bin emtying service for Newham Council or whoever, rebranded as SHITKIKA or whatever other wank name ending in 'a' they all have

ha ha ha, i just remembered this... i started making it back when Bliar got in and it became obvious pretty soon that he had a corporate cock shoved so far up his arse it was tickling his tonsils


EXCREMENTA WEBSITE

___________________________________

I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws.... I call it... Big Jaws!!!

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Message 12/19                 Date: 18-Jul-07  @  11:37 PM     Edit: 18-Jul-07  |  11:38 PM   -   RE: joketime

Zazza

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..........................

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Message 13/19                 Date: 19-Jul-07  @  11:18 AM   -   RE: joketime

k

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ha ha ha, yeah!... er...

___________________________________

I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws.... I call it... Big Jaws!!!

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Message 14/19                 Date: 19-Sep-07  @  04:20 PM   -   RE: joketime

sitar

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A woman reminded her husband one day that her birthday was coming up and that if he wants to make her happy he should buy her a birthday gift that will go from 0-200 in under 3 seconds.

Her birthday rolled around and upon waking, the first thing she did was look out the window at the driveway. There was a box, giftwrapped sitting in the driveway but it was nothing that a car could fit into.

She threw her robe on, went out to fetch it and brought it back inside. She opened it up to find a bathroom scale.

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Message 15/19                 Date: 19-Sep-07  @  04:35 PM   -   RE: joketime

k

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heh nice to see you back with new material Sitar

___________________________________

I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws.... I call it... Big Jaws!!!

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Message 16/19                 Date: 19-Sep-07  @  07:20 PM   -   RE: joketime

joegornall

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Dear Agony Aunt,


I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what
could be a crucial decision.

I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.
The usual signs. The phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up.

My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently, although when
I ask their names she always says,
"Just some friends from work. You don't know them."

I sometimes stay awake to look out for her cab coming home, but she
always comes walking up the drive as I hear the sound of a car leaving,
around the corner, as if she has gotten out and walked the rest of the way.

Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi at all?

I once picked up her mobile phone, just to see what time it was. This
caused her to go completely berserk. She quickly snatched the phone
out of my hand and cursed me hysterically, screaming that I should never
touch her personal property. She then accused me of trying to spy on her.

Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down,
I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I
decided to really check on her.

I decided I was going to park my motorcycle next to the garage and then
hide behind it so I could get a good view of the street around the corner
when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my
motorcycle that I noticed a small amount of oil leaking through the gasket
underneath the cylinder head.

So ......... is this something I can easily repair myself or
do you think I should take it to the dealer?

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Message 17/19                 Date: 19-Sep-07  @  11:20 PM   -   RE: joketime

k

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ha ha ha, that is funny, lol

hey, who was that female comedian who had that joke:

"Girls, I tell you what the problem is!.. our bodily parts need to be renamed.. Now, if we renamed our vaginas as a 'carburettor' he'd be down there on sunday fiddling around with it all fucking day!"

___________________________________

I had an idea for a script once. It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws, they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws. The guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws.... I call it... Big Jaws!!!

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Message 18/19                 Date: 21-Sep-07  @  04:22 PM   -   RE: joketime

sitar

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LOL!

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Message 19/19                 Date: 18-Oct-07  @  05:03 AM   -   RE: joketime

psylichon

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Funny, I heard it like this:


I think my wife is cheating on me. I am a working musician and, as you would expect, travel a lot. I have been noticing strange things happening when I get home. Her mobile phone rings and she steps outside to answer it or she says, "I'll call you back later". When I ask her who called she gets evasive.

Sometimes she goes out with friends but comes home late, getting dropped off around the corner and walking the rest of the way. I once picked up the extension while she was on the phone and she got very angry.

A buddy of mine plays guitar in a band. He told me that my
wife and some guy have been to his gigs. He wanted to borrow my guitar amp.

That's when I got the idea to find out for myself what was really happening.
I said "Sure, you can use my amp but I want to hide behind it at the gig and see if she comes into the venue and who she comes in with".
He agreed.

Saturday night came and I slipped behind my vintage Marshall JMP MKII 50W half stack to get a good view.
I could feel the heat coming off the back of the amp.

It was at that moment, crouching down behind the amp, that I noticed that one of the tubes was not glowing as bright as the other 3.

Is this something I can fix myself or do I need to take it to a technician?

Thanks
Very Concerned

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